Why Creating is Important (To Me)

July 28, 2016

When I was about seven years old I started therapy, these sessions with various people lasted until I was about twelve years old. One thing that they all seemed to pick up on rather quickly was that I wasn't going to talk, and so they began to work out new ways of making me say things without saying as much as I thought I was. The key way that they seemed to do this would be through art therapy; and simply giving me the ability to create for an hour a week seemed to be what I needed in order to open up. This post isn't going to be about what I was in therapy for or anything like that but more about why I feel as though I have such a strong connection and desire to create.

There are two forms of creating that I tend to stick to, art (painting/drawing) and writing. These are my self therapy and they help me to get whatever I may be feeling into something that is much less destructive than the alternatives that I have been known to turn to in the past. I am such a firm believer in turning your upset and heartbreak into something beautiful, whatever you may be feeling there is always a way of creating that seems perfect for the emotion.

Something that a therapist realised about me in year six was the love that I had for writing and the fascination I had with how words settled in my mind. This counsellor in-particular would give me abundances of notebooks and journals and tell me to write down whatever was on my mind, I would go back to her and ask for new books every few weeks that I could fill with abundances of drawings and pieces of writing. At that point I wasn't writing anything of substance, just general ramblings but it felt so good to get everything off my chest. Putting things to paper just made everything seem that little bit clearer than it would have seemed if it had stayed stuck in my mind.

However, after a while I stopped writing and creating, doing GCSE art in year nine seemed to knock a lot of the fun out of making stuff for myself because I never had time to do anything for myself. It was all for my coursework and because of this I lost the love that I had for making things.

Yet in year ten, after three months of struggling with a lot of personal issues my friends mum gave me a notebook and told me to write everything down. She told me how whenever she begins to struggle she gets out her journal and writes it all down, she pours all of her issues into it and then moves on. As though by putting them to paper she found peace with her mind and is able to go back to being the wonderful woman that she is. This was the first notebook that someone has intentionally given me for the sole purpose of writing out my feelings since year six and to have someone give me something that was so key in making me feel safe for such a long period of time all over again reminded me of the immense power that writing holds.

Since then I have poured my everything into the pages of notebooks, my poems, my thoughts, my writings. Everything that I am, everything that I write has come from one of those journals and has helped to shape me into the person that I am today. With each word I am able to create a world of my own and temporarily escape the whirlwind of thoughts in my mind.

Yet sometimes writing isn't enough and I need to create something using art, and although I turn to this method much less than writing it still helps me and it is still one of my biggest self therapy forms. If I'm in the mood to create art I will grab my watercolours and pencils and draw and paint until I feel okay again, this however, is more of a distraction than anything. It doesn't necessarily get everything out of my head but is more of a quick fix when I feel as though I could be wanting to do something destructive.

So many people that I know create for different reasons but those are mine. They help me to become okay again, even if it is just for a short period of time.

Seventeen Things For Seventeen Years

June 30, 2016

Today I turn seventeen years old and I thought I would create a post on the seventeen things that I have learnt in the past seventeen years.

1) Concerts are incredible. There is something so safe and homey in being in a room filled with people who love the same music as you, go to as many shows as possible and don't let anyone tell you that you go to too many.

2) Meeting your idols is such an incredible thing, especially when you have been waiting for years for the chance to do so.

3) Your heart may get hurt, and it may get broken but you will be okay. Just remember to surround yourself with people who love you and care about you.

4) Poetry cures everything (and so do cosy sweaters and fruit teas).

5) Reeses Cup's are the best snack foods to exist, there is no question about this.

6) Makeup is so fun, it is literally like putting art onto your face everyday and there are so many wonderful things to create. It's also so fun to watch your skills grow and learn new techniques.

7) Not everyone is going to like you, just as you aren't going to like everyone. That's okay, just remember that you do have an accumulation of friends who do like you for who you are.

8) You are worth more than broken promises and people who ask you to shrink to fit in.

9) Happiness comes in bouts, cherish it and remember that even when it leaves it will eventually return.

10) The city is the best place in the world.

11) It's okay to be selfish every now and then, make sure that you are looking after yourself as much as you are looking out for everyone else.

12) Sometimes you will become friends with the people that you least expect to, don't question it. Just enjoy their company.

13) You aren't going to achieve anything without working for it.

14) Music is incredible, you are going to come across bands and songs that save your life and resonate within you for a long time. Just wait, you will find that band.

15) Capture every moment in photographs, you can never take too many pictures.

16) Make time to see the people who are important to you, travel hours to see them for a day, book trains and get buses to different places. Cherish the time with those who you might not be able to see too often.

17) Skype and Facetime are a blessing.

Orlando Shootings

June 12, 2016

Today is Sunday June 12th and I have just come out of work to find out about a hate attack on a gay club in Orlando. It's taken me a little while to gather my thoughts, to get past the sense of mind numbing shock that I was in and begin to express how I feel. This was not a planned blog post, but as I was laying in bed I realised that I needed to write, that I needed to be able to get my thoughts out there because if I didn't they would eat me alive.

Over the course of this weekend there have been two shootings in the US. We lost Christina Grimme, a wonderfully talented singer, and we have lost at least 50 men in a shooting at a gay club. We have lost so many people in such a short period of time, through senseless acts of violence which are not being talked about or handled properly.

While the United States should be cracking down on their gun laws we are left in the wake of both of these shootings having them be justified as either mental health issues of the attacker or terrorism. Yes, these may have been the cause but it is the same with every other shooting; we are told that it was terrorism or mental health and nothing is done to the gun laws. How many more shootings is it going to take before something actually changes these laws? How many more innocent lives are going to be lost before we see the change we have been pleading for?

As soon as I heard the news of the mass shooting in Orlando I confided in my nan, who had been sat next to me at the time. She told me that 'it's okay' in hopes that I would find comfort in her words, but there is nothing okay about this situation. There is nothing remotely okay about the fact that that the people who lost their lives were supposed to be in a place that was designed to make them feel safe and accepted, where they were supposed to be okay and find pride in being themselves. This shooter had gone into their safe place and performed such an uncomprehendable and unjustifiable act of violence on the people inside.

Fifty people have lost their lives and at least another fifty have been left injured. These are people, just like you and I, they have families and they have friends, they have people that they love with everything that they are and they have been taken away from these people in such a cruel and unjust way.

I am angry, I am angry at the way that the gun laws are not being changed, and quite frankly I am disgusted how Trump has begun to use the events as a form of propaganda within his presidential campaign. The LGBT+ community is not a prop that comes in handy when you're trying to become president, we are a community in mourning of these fifty men, to use us as a prop is as disgusting as much of the rest of his campaign and to be quite frank I am sick of it.

I know that events like this happen so much more often in developing countries and nowhere near as much media coverage is given to them, if any. But this is the biggest mass shooting in American history, if this doesn't show you how badly things need to change then I am not sure how to go about explaining it to you. America needs stricter gun laws. That's a fact and as heartbroken as I am I pray to god that this is the wake up call they needed, that they are going to change how easy it is to get hold of a gun. In fact, it's easier to get hold of a gun than it is to have an abortion. That says something about the way the country is run.

This attack was out of hate towards the LGBT+ community, there is no other reason that the shooter would have been there out of all of the other clubs in Orlando. It comes in a time when the community is celebrating pride month, a time when they are supposed to be fully embracing and loving who they are. And this attack will have left so many people terrified for their lives, afraid to go to their celebrations and afraid to show who they are. I know it has left me in that state.

Please, don't forget what happened this weekend, don't let their deaths have been for nothing. We need to work for change and justice, we will get it one day. Please keep the families of those lost in your thoughts. Also please go and tell those that you love how much they mean to you, events like this put into perspective that you are so unaware of what is going to happen. Tell them you love them, tell them to keep safe. If you can, hug them. Please, don't take your life for advantage.

Poetry

April 24, 2016


Most of my Twitter followers are fully aware of the huge infatuation that I have towards poetry over the past few weeks I have been posting several of my favourite pieces so that other people can appreciate them as much as I do. When I was about ten years old my uncle got me a poetry book and me being the child that I was I didn't much care for it and placed it aside for the Hannah Montana dolls that I had been preoccupied by previously. It was around the age of thirteen that I decided to pick it up and read it properly , there were some of the poems that I decided I really wanted to learn to be able to recite. I think this is when I began to grow and develop the passion that I have for poetry.

Five years later and I have read more poems than I can count, there isn't a single day that goes by when I don’t read a poem or write something myself. Poetry has become such a huge part of who I am as a person, I feel as though without it I would see the world in quite a different perspective the way that I do. Because of my love for writing and poetry I have the mindset in which whenever I go through something that is particularly hard that I can turn it into something, whether it is a poem or a piece of art. Having an outlet is so important and I feel as though this is why I love poetry so much.

There are a huge amount of poets and creators that I look up to and admire for the work that they create and I feel as though it is only right to share some of them with you in the hopes that perhaps you will look into their work and fall in love with it as much as I have.

The first is Lang Leav, she has such a way with words in which it makes you feel as though you are at home while reading her work. She has a collection of books, my favourite being Love and Misadventure which, in my opinion, is one of the most magical and captivating books I have ever come across. The poem that I am going to share with you from this is one that really struck me, I have shared it on Twitter before as I feel it resembles Lang as a poet so wonderfully. This piece is called Lost Things.



Next I really want to share with you one of my biggest inspirations, not only does she write poetry and is currently working on her own book but she also writes a monthly column for one of my favourite magazines (Local Wolves). This is Orion Carloto, everything she writes is like gold dust, it screams Orion. There is no way describe her style, it is hers and she owns it, one of my favourite pieces that she has shared with the internet comes from her tumblr page and is from her 4AM thoughts section.
The final poet that am going to share with you is one in which I am completely in love with is Dottie James, she has such a way with words that is quite unlike anything I've come across before. She posts YouTube videos where she shares her poetry in an incredibly artsy and aesthetically pleasing way. Dottie has an aura about her that is pretty indescribable but if you watch one of her videos you will understand what I mean and this aura spreads itself into everything she does, including her poetry. One of my absolute favourite pieces by her is Reach for Me.



Get To Know Me

January 08, 2016

The first blog post that I ever wrote was a get to know me post on the blog that I ran with my friends in 2014, I thought that seeing as it has been well over a year since I wrote that and that I have changed a lot since then it would make an interesting post for you to get to know me again. I'm going to be responding to the 21 questions part of it, but the link to the original post will be at the end of this in case you wanted to read it all, although I do warn you that its very cringy.

1: Favourite colour?
- I love whites and golds along with light blues too.

2: Tea or Coffee?
- Coffee, my favourite is iced mocha.

3: Who's your idol?
- I don't think I really have one set idol, I look to different people for different things. For example I look to Dottie James and Savannah Brown for their writing and video style while I then look to people like Alexa Chung and Cass Sersemis for style tips.

4: Where in the world would you most like to travel?
- My answer for this one has firmly stayed the same, New York. However I have recently had friends and seen people on social media go out to Thailand and it looks so incredibly beautiful there too.

5: Books or films?
- It used to be books and deep down it still is but recently I've gotten lazy and it's films for me.

6: Do you have a celebrity crush?
- Michael Clifford has been my celebrity crush for too long now.

7: Who are your favourite artists?
- I could be here forever so I'm only going to list about five: Twenty One Pilots, Halsey, Coldplay, Mayday Parade and As It Is.

8: What's your favourite Album(s)?
- Again, I could be here forever and I'm actually debating doing a whole post on the music I love but my main favourites are: Vessel // Twenty One Pilots, Birthdays // Keaton Henson, A Lesson in Romantics // Mayday Parade, Blue Neighbourhood // Troye Sivan, and finally The Pinkprint // Nicki Minaj.

9: What's the last book you've read?
- To Kill a Mockingbird
10: How late do you usually stay up?
- About 11:30

11: Favourite YouTuber(s)?
- Dottie James, Dodie Clark, Lucy Moon, Savannah Brown, Gabby Lindley, Noo Stenning and Eve Bennett.

12: What's your favourite drink?
- Pink Lemonade Lucozade or Vanilla Coke.

13: Last text you sent?
- 'I'm getting coffee'

14: Three people you want to meet before you die?
- John Green
- Halsey
- Taylor Swift

15: Which house would you belong to in Harry Potter?
- Ravenclaw according to Pottermore.

16: Favourite memory from the last year?
- Either meeting my internet best friend Sammi or being an extra in Blue Sushi where I met Bertie Gilbert who was directing the film and whose content I have been watching since what feels like the beginning of time.

17: Where is "home" for you?
- It's a tie between my bed with a heap of blankets and pillows and a good Netflix series or a cute coffee shop with a nice book.

18: If you could pick anywhere to live for the rest of you life, where would it be?
- London.

19: Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?
- Katie, I think.

20: What social media website(s) do you use the most?
- Instagram and Twitter.

21: Do you have a bucket list?
- Not anymore, I should probably make another much more updated one.


The link to my old post is here and I apologise to those of you who decide to read it.

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