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relationships
Comfy On My Own
February 04, 2018
Valentines is the one time of year when relationships and the idea that being with another person is necessary for your happiness seems to be forced upon you, wherever you go there is something to remind you that the date is creeping in on you. Personally, I see it all as a load of consumerism crap. While I probably sound stupidly cynical about that I just feel like you shouldn’t have to have a set day to remind someone that you love them, it doesn’t even make it special because every other couple possible are celebrating that day too.
Growing up I was always taught to focus on myself and not to worry about relationships (that they will happen when they happen), and just to ensure that I was the best person I could be. Not for anyone other than myself, because after all I am the one person that I will be stuck with for the entirety of my life. While I still felt the pressures of wanting a relationship as everyone around me was falling in and out of love I always tried my hardest to keep these thoughts in mind.
It wasn’t until about May last year when I was on a train home from London that I overheard a conversation that I couldn’t help but listen in on (sorry to the people that were having the conversation). This woman was speaking to one of her friends about how her mother keeps putting pressure on her to find the right person, to get in a relationship.
She then turned to her friends and said something along the lines of ‘I think I just need another year alone before I can really bring anyone else into my life’. To this day those lines have stuck with me, there was something within them that seemed to solidify this idea that I had been tackling of not wanting to be in a relationship just yet.
She then turned to her friends and said something along the lines of ‘I think I just need another year alone before I can really bring anyone else into my life’. To this day those lines have stuck with me, there was something within them that seemed to solidify this idea that I had been tackling of not wanting to be in a relationship just yet.
This year I am alone on Valentines, yet this is the first year that I really believe I have felt no pressure to be with anyone on Valentines. I am spending it alone out of choice, I am not seeking a significant other at this point in time and I am growing to love my own company. Taking a year alone and spending it working out who I am is so vital.
It is so easy to fall into a trap of depending on someone else to be your source of security and comfort but to be able to find that within yourself is so much harder. Until I am able to find this full comfort and security within myself I don’t see myself able to be in a relationship, and that is okay. That is something I have come to peace with.
Rose Tinted Nostalgia | Blogmas Day 3
December 03, 2017
Recently I picked up a new copy of This Modern Love, which is one of the best books I’ve ever owned and found myself remembering what it felt like to be falling in and out of love all over again. The themes and experiences that people have written about almost transported me back to the mindset that I was in when I picked it up for the very first time over a year ago.
It was when I was talking to a friend about the way that I felt while reading it that I was inspired to write a blog post on the nostalgia that it not only made me feel but the nostalgia that I have been battling a lot recently.
There’s a line in This Modern Love thats says ‘timing is everything and my we were too early’ which breaks me each and every time I read it. Personally I wholeheartedly believe in the concept of right person, wrong time and this line really reiterated it into my mind at a time when I needed it.
At this point in time I am eighteen years old, I was raised to know that my education and career will be much less likely to leave me than any person I hold in my life and because of this I will take any necessary steps that are required to achieve my goals, even if it means leaving someone I care about behind to put my career first. It’s hard because had I met the person that I loved five or ten years down the line our stories would have been completely different and would have played out in a completely different order; there is a reason you met them when you did though, even if it doesn’t seem clear. Although it is hard sometimes all you can do is watch them live their best lives, without you as a protagonist within their story.
The hardest part is watching someones life play out so well in front of you while they are no longer someone that you can be with. No matter how much you have a romanticised, rose tinted view on the way that things used to be you are fully aware that even attempting to rekindle anything will be messier than the last departure was. There was a reason things ended but in this moment of wanting to attempt something again you forget all of that. You convince yourself that perhaps thirteen months will have been enough time to have changed as people; perhaps thirteen months will be the difference you needed; perhaps thirteen months of being apart could lead to thirteen months back together.
The issue is, whenever you attempt to rekindle anything with someone you hold so much history with it is messy. There is no easier way of explaining it than that. You end up digging up so much ancient history and inevitably end up taking ten steps back in your character development.
Looking at everything as though it is rose tinted and nostalgic can be toxic and ruin things, timing is key and even if you believe you would have worked out with someone once there is a huge chance had it occurred at a different that it happening now wont change anything - take it from someone who knows. x
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