a years worth of journal entries

July 24, 2017


22/09/16 - your love is like the last bits of liquid at the bottom of a bottle; not quite attainable. and yet, i still find myself trying to get to it. the only difference between the two is that i eventually learn my lesson with the drink, and yet i still seem to keep going back to you. i haven't yet learnt my lesson when it comes to your love.

25/09/16 - i hope that through writing, and reading, and art i can get through this rough patch without anymore battle scars.

30/09/16 - should i tell you that i miss you?

08/10/16 - nostalgia is hitting me in waves tonight. hopefully tomorrow will be an easier journey.

11/10/16 - each word hitting me, leaving me a weak mess.

30/10/16 - she deserves so much more, so much better than she gets.

13/11/16 - why did he tell me?

15/11/16 - i give so much of myself to others that there is hardly any of me left once the person leaves me.

22/11/16 - oh fuck, i think i still like him.

25/11/16 - i do.

30/11/16 - maybe we can be friends again when i stop hearing your voice in every lyric i’ve ever loved; and maybe we can be friends again when three am’s looming presence doesn't feel as empty without you.

07/12/16 - i don’t want to be the bitch that ruins things in pursuit of my own happiness, but i have a feeling i will.

13/12/16 - maybe i am a terrible person or maybe i just want you to be happy, and in my own bitter way i am discovering that i make you happier than her.

18/12/16 - everything has changed so much. it is the safest and most wonderful thing being wrapped in the arms of somebody that you care about.

31/12/16 - i don’t want to make people my happiness because they will always leave in some way.

05/01/17 - traces of your lips still present on my skin, hold me hostage to you.

30/01/17 - every dark hour only has sixty minutes.

07/02/17 - i’m sorry that you constantly have to deal with me saying i want to die and being selfish and hurting everyone around me, i really am.

25/02/17 - there is nothing like waking up in the arms of the person you love.

14/03/17 - i hate myself because i can't trust him.

19/03/17 - i shouldn't have read his journal.

30/03/17 - everything is slowly falling apart around me.

03/04/17 - i am slowly starting to realise that the homes that i make into people are not really homes - they aren't permanent. they are more like pop up tents.

26/04/17 - i'm terrified that everything he ever said to me was a lie, that every conversation wa carefully structured and manipulated to get what he wanted from me.

15/05/17 - as much as i had a feeling about it i didn't want to believe it.

17/05/17 - i love my friends more than anything

19/05/17 - i don’t want to be here forever, i want to be as far away from here as possible.

20/05/17 - am i supposed to have forgotten the way that you would always laugh a little too loud for a little too long?

30/05/17 - at this point i will take whatever i can get.


08/06/17 - it's been two months and i hate sleeping alone still.

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