M:atter

Make-Up: i think you're the only person who has ever smiled so genuinely at me as they watched me remove the face i had created for myself that day. i think you’re one of the only people that i've willingly allowed to see me remove my makeup and get ready for bed.

Magic: i didn’t believe in magic until the day i saw you smile and heard your laugh.

Manage: i managed without you before, now i have to readjust my life to manage without you all over again.

Mask: you always had a mask on for the world, you were the person that seemed happy so much of the time, i often forgot the amount of pain you had suffered throughout your life. you got there with me in the end though, or at least it felt like you did as you began to reveal more of yourself to me day by day.

Matter: i only mattered to you when it was convenient, eventually i felt myself becoming much more of an inconvenience than a convenience to you.

Message: i used to make you promise to message me in the morning, as though if i didn't make you promise you might not want to talk to me. i guess i just got anxious about these kind of things.

Mine: its strange how people see other people to be their possessions. things like ‘my boyfriend’, ‘my best friend’, ‘my love’. were you ever actually properly mine? or is that just something i told myself to help me sleep at night when you weren't there to hold me?

Mine (2.0): ‘i am mine, before i am anyone else’s’ 

just because the rest of the world seems to be ignoring your worth doesn't mean that you should to. i want this quote tattooed on me one day, a constant reminder of my self worth.

Mislead: i guess its kind of misleading to have someone telling you that they love you daily when it turns out that they really didn't in the first place. i guess i’ve been mislead by my heart one too many times and i am going to have to sum up every ounce of my courage to believe the next person who decides to tell me that they love me.

Mistakes: please don't ever see me to be one of these, please just see me as a lesson in how not to love. use me to shape the way you treat your next girlfriend, don't make the same mistakes over again.

Memory: is it selfish of me to wish that i was more than a crumpled note or an old photo pushed to the back of a drawer? i want to be a vivid painting that dances through your memory, not a lost thing. although we both know hold no more importance to you than a crumpled sheet of paper; my importance to you has lessened over time and i need to find a way to be okay with that.

Mercury: you said i couldn't blame mercury being in retrograde for my erratic behaviour, and so i started blaming you. apparently i couldn't do that either.

Money: we both lost count of the amount of times i yelled at you for spending money on me, of the eye rolls and exasperated sighs i would let out as you handed over your money to the cashier. i hate people spending money on me, you knew that. but i don't think you understand how much so.

Moon: you were my moon and i guess i was just a tide being pulled in by your empty words.

Mornings: you would call me at 7am and make sure i was up in time for class, it was later that you admitted to me the only reason you put up with working night shifts was so that you could talk to me and hear my voice in the morning. even if just for a few minutes while you hid in a cupboard at work. now i have to set an alarm instead and it isn't half as effective as seeing your name flash up on my phone screen and hearing your ringtone.

Mosaic: perhaps its time for me to begin reshaping my heart, picking up pieces of myself and those that other people are offering to me and build myself back up.

Music: sometimes i find myself so thankful for music, i have never been more thankful for it than in the wake of me deciding to leave you. the wealthy catalogue of music that is available at my fingertips is saving me when i think i’m drowning, although occasionally a song you showed me will come on and i will find myself holding back tears as i fight the urge to skip it.