N:eedle

Naïve: i always thought i was so self assured when it came to love but it turns out i was just as naïve as you are.

Name: it’s strange the feelings a name can bring back. to begin with yours would make me overjoyed but over time having your name leave my mouth left a bitter taste on my tongue.

Nasty: i didn't realise you could be so nasty until all of your attacks came at me instead of someone else.

Nearly: you were so nearly mine, so nearly the person i could wake up to everyday.

Neck: the best kind of kisses are neck kisses, they are so underrated.

Needle: you are the blood in my veins, you are the ink that runs through the tattoo needle and permanently finds a home in my skin.

Nervous: i was always a nervous person but when i was with you all those fears went away and i began to feel so much more at ease about everything.

New: starting my new life without you is strange, i always secretly saw you there and knowing you won’t be there to help me move into uni or celebrate with if i get in is scary.

Never: going around thinking that you can stop your heart from ever getting broken is stupid, that’s not possible. stop lying to yourself, let your heart get broken for once. let the heartbreak shape you into the person that you are set to be. Don’t just go around breaking other people’s hearts to avoid your own inevitable heartbreak.

Nicotine: your kisses were as addictive as nicotine.

Nickname: i changed mine to ‘the cutest person you know’, you added ‘(and the stroppiest)’. it’s still saved like that.

Niggle: the thoughts were eating away at me and yet every time i tried to discuss them with you it seemed as though you immediately shut off.

Night: sometimes i lie in bed and try to see how long it takes for me to begin to miss you. it’s one am right now. i miss you.

Nineteen: one more than eighteen, nine more than ten. the birthday of yours i missed because i was too bust celebrating my little brothers day instead.

Nonbeing: us.

Nothing: i just don't understand how you could cut me out of your life so violently and act as though you did nothing wrong while i was bleeding on the ground from the wounds that you had inflicted upon me.

Nothing (2.0): ‘what do you want from me?’

                         ‘nothing.’

                         ‘so you've just been leading me on for five months?’

                         ‘…i’m going to bed.’

Nostalgia: the hazy, rose tinted view on the way things used to be blurs out the faults that the past held. this will inevitably be my downfall.

Notorious: i seem to be notorious for being a drama queen, you were notorious for rolling your eyes at me the moment i kicked off about anything.

Now: right now, this is the hardest thing i think i never ever been through. but i thought that last year and now here i am, a stronger person because of what i went through then, i’ve just got to get through this part of my life to be able to look back and know things are okay now.

Numb: in the wake of me leaving you i picked up a ridiculous amount of unhealthy coping mechanisms, trying to make myself feel numb enough to stop your name slipping off my tongue as i kissed someone that wasn't you.