R:earrange

Radiate: the people that i have surrounded myself in the wake of this mess radiate love, they radiate happiness and joy. they remind me that it is possible to feel okay.

Ramble: i could talk for england, i could write for england too, to be quite honest i could probably write more than i could talk. but i guess these things kind of come hand in hand in some way or another.

Real: i love you. real.

          you love me. not real.

Rearrange: picking up the pieces of my life and putting them together in a new order, trying to make the most out of what i have left.

Relapse: you weren't there for me when it all came crashing down.

Release: our skype calls used to consist heavily of you playing me music you were working on and me telling you how much i loved it all. you're releasing new music to the world soon. i can’t wait to hear it. i’m still here rooting for you, after all this time.

Religion: i got down on my knees for you more than i ever have in a place of worship.

Remark: those subtle but cruel remarks you would make still stick with me. as i sit and do my eyeshadow in the morning i remember you telling me that smokey eyes make it look like someone had given me a black eye. as i curl my hair i hear you telling me how pointless it is to do. as i take another shot i see you rolling your eyes disapprovingly and remember how much you hated me drunk. everything you said to me stuck with me and has stayed with me even after you left.

Return: a year on and you are back in my life, i still think i love you a little. but as a friend. i’m glad you're back in my life, i missed your accent and weird little habits.

Rip: did you realise you were ripping my heart out or did it only occur to you once it was dripping with blood in your hand.

Road: maybe if i just lay in the middle of the road the ongoing traffic will hit me and give me some visible injuries to show people how broken i really am.

Robotic: you were about as emotionless and stiff as a robot at times, i got tired of having to walk on egg shells, never knowing what you really felt or whether my comments would start a war.

Roll-ups: the fact that i can’t roll to save my life always made you laugh.

Root: i planted myself in your garden but didn't have enough time for my roots to settle before you decided to rip me out for renovations.

Rough: i’m the kind of person that loves rough drafts of things by anyone other than myself. i love the product before the final product, i love watching things come together. i prefer the stripped back acoustic versions of songs, the ones where there is just a pure voice. the rawness of someone pouring their hearts into something compared to the edited, refined version that the world ends up seeing. i guess thats why i loved you, you were the walking, talking embodiment of a rough daft.

Rude: please don't use that tone with me.

Run: i ran for my life once i realised how toxic you were, now i'm running from anyone who shows me affection in the fear they will treat me like you did.

Rust: when you leave metal out in the rain it begins to rust, when you leave me out in the rain i grow in anger. don't shut me out, let me in.