U:rge

Ultimatum: i told you that you could have all of me or i'm gone. you didn't want all of me and so i summed up all my courage and left.

Ululate: i cried so much that night, i don't think i've ever sobbed harder. i wonder if you knew what you had done to me as you hung up the phone and went to sleep.

Um: your utterances were never full, everything had a filler in place to give you thinking time but why did you even have to think about what you wanted from me. it had been five months you should have made up your fucking mind by then.

Umbrella: honestly, i don't tend to leave the house and so i never saw much point in owning one of these. but when you left me and the storm of my life begun to pummel against me even harder than i could handle i reached for an umbrella and discovered an empty space instead of the object i desperately needed for protection. the friends that leant me theirs, offered me a hand to hold and shoulder to cry on as i grieved you quickly became my shelters.

Umpteenth: i lost count of the amount of times you made me feel small.

Unabridged: everything i said to you, i meant. our messages, our conversations, our very being was the unabridged version of us. no matter how hard i try to recall it all there will always be some parts that are abridged.

Unachievable: i used to think happiness was unachievable but it turns out the thing that was holding me back from it was you.

Unapologetically: you didn't even apologise for the god knows how many other girls you had been speaking to. do you even understand what you did wrong?

Understand: you didn't seem to understand how broken i was until it was too late for you to leave without breaking me even further.

Unfair: perhaps the way that we ended was unfair but it helped to shape me and gave me the strength to reach out for help in places i never would have done beforehand.

Us: i don’t recall ‘us’ ever existing, just two people who liked each other and had a good thing going for a little while.  

Urge: fighting the urge to message you in the first few days was so hard, every dog i saw i wanted to send you photos of, every stupid dad joke i heard i wanted to share with you. slowly i learnt to find other people who appreciate them too, and while they still remind me of you i am also grateful enough that those times are so sparse in comparison to the time spent thinking about anything other than you.

Utmost: you were a person of utmost importance within my story, now you're gone and have been replaced by other people of importance.