Comfy On My Own

Valentines is the one time of year when relationships and the idea that being with another person is necessary for your happiness seems to be forced upon you, wherever you go there is something to remind you that the date is creeping in on you. Personally, I see it all as a load of consumerism crap. While I probably sound stupidly cynical about that I just feel like you shouldn’t have to have a set day to remind someone that you love them, it doesn’t even make it special because every other couple possible are celebrating that day too.

Growing up I was always taught to focus on myself and not to worry about relationships (that they will happen when they happen), and just to ensure that I was the best person I could be. Not for anyone other than myself, because after all I am the one person that I will be stuck with for the entirety of my life. While I still felt the pressures of wanting a relationship as everyone around me was falling in and out of love I always tried my hardest to keep these thoughts in mind.

It wasn’t until about May last year when I was on a train home from London that I overheard a conversation that I couldn’t help but listen in on (sorry to the people that were having the conversation). This woman was speaking to one of her friends about how her mother keeps putting pressure on her to find the right person, to get in a relationship. 

She then turned to her friends and said something along the lines of ‘I think I just need another year alone before I can really bring anyone else into my life’. To this day those lines have stuck with me, there was something within them that seemed to solidify this idea that I had been tackling of not wanting to be in a relationship just yet.

This year I am alone on Valentines, yet this is the first year that I really believe I have felt no pressure to be with anyone on Valentines. I am spending it alone out of choice, I am not seeking a significant other at this point in time and I am growing to love my own company. Taking a year alone and spending it working out who I am is so vital.

It is so easy to fall into a trap of depending on someone else to be your source of security and comfort but to be able to find that within yourself is so much harder. Until I am able to find this full comfort and security within myself I don’t see myself able to be in a relationship, and that is okay. That is something I have come to peace with.